


"I love you" should never mean "Goodbye"

by TheCatAndTheCrow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, No it's literally just pain, Well no but it's like hopeful kinda, hope you enjoy it, iwaoi - Freeform, pure angst with like almost a happy ending?, sadnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCatAndTheCrow/pseuds/TheCatAndTheCrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The flowers he brought were always a little broken; the stems crushed where his right hand held on to them much too tightly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I love you" should never mean "Goodbye"

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tumblr user wow-go-team! It was also written while crying and typing on my phone and is completely unedited I am so sorry but it's like midnight already. 
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful day!

"Say I love you" prompt 28. 

"When I'm dead." 

 

The air was so still. So horribly quiet. Iwaizumi's lungs refused to inhale, unwilling to work. His lungs burned viciously until he was forced to take a breath. A heavy weight was sitting on his chest, crushing his ribs and sternum until the pressure on his heart was as unbearable as the silence. 

He hated coming to Tooru's grave. 

The flowers he brought were always a little broken; the stems crushed where his right hand held on to them much too tightly. 

Iwaizumi hated how his mouth went dry while he was driving to come see him. He hated the stupid, crushed stems of the flowers, he hated the way his throat always caught before he could say what he wanted to say. 

Every damn time.

He couldn't do it. 

How could he say "I love you" again, knowing that it would never reach Tooru's ears? 

Because Iwaizumi didn't say "I love you" as to show his love. He showed that he loved people by his actions, not his words. He preferred sitting through alien movies or bringing coffee to an overworked husband. He would poke his husbands ribs to make him giggle (and snort; Tooru hated that he snorted when he laughed but Iwaizumi thought it was hilariously endearing.) He'd bring home weird foreign foods because Tooru loved to try new foods, even though Iwaizumi was less than adventurous in that area. 

Iwaizumi never said "I love you" to Tooru as an actual gesture. The words were just a caption to his actions. 

But he couldn't bring Tooru coffee, he couldn't watch the dumb alien movies or try new foods with him anymore. 

How could he ever express how much he loves him just words? 

It didn't make sense to him, how people could say "I love you" so easily.

But then, not a whole lot has made sense in the year it's been since Tooru died. 

He tried to say it. He tried to force the words out of his throat but no sound came except something broken and muffled. 

He knelt down by the grave. 

"The grave" is what at called it in his head, it's what he called it when he referred to it when talking to other people, too. Because this stone wasn't Tooru.

Tooru was bright, and vivid. Not gray stone. Tooru was funny. He had a sharp tongue but good intentions. Tooru was teasing and lively. He was perceptive and always knew what to say. He was crazy and amazing and so utterly brilliant. He was no genius but he worked more than hard enough to compete with the best in everything he did. He was beautiful and smart. He was kind, in his own ways. 

Tooru, was. 

But, god. It was so hard to say the words now that he "was". 

So hard to say the words Iwaizumi must have said a million times when Tooru was alive. 

"Tooru." Iwaizumi whispered, his voice scratchy and harsh. 

"I'm so sorry that I haven't told you what I know you need to hear in the year you've been gone. But I never wanted those words to be meant as a goodbye. I never wanted to have to say them like this. I only wanted to say them when I could see your smiling eyes, when you would say them back so casually. I'm so glad we got the chance to say them so often they became commonplace." 

He took a breath, his lungs burning again and the weight on his chest was becoming unbearably heavy. 

"I want them to be commonplace again. Even if you can't say them back anymore. Because I didn't ever say them to hear you say them back, but god, it's so hard saying them and not being able to even know if you can hear them." 

Iwaizumi's shoulders were shaking and tears were streaming down his face, he knew he was making no sense but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything right now. 

He stood up, nearly stumbling as he did. Iwaizumi took a deep breath, and finally managed, "Tooru, I love you. I love you so much. And I'll say that as often as I can until I see you again, whenever that may be. Because "I love you" isn't meant to be a goodbye. I love you, so I'll see you again someday." 

He turned and walked back to his car. 

 

Iwaizumi did see Tooru again. Not in the way he expected, but he did see him.

At first, it was in the smells of coffee. 

And then later, when he saw posters for a science fiction movie and went to go see it in theatres, alone. 

He saw Tooru when he went to an new restaurant that served food from a country who's name he barely recognized. 

He saw Tooru everywhere and some days, it made his throat close and chest hurt. 

Other days, it made him cry because thank god he got to see a little piece of him again. 

But every time he encountered Tooru, he would always whisper something under his breath. 

"I love you, Tooru."


End file.
